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The Age of Gold. Also, Silver. Oh, and Bronze, Come to That. 2 / 2 - Wemyss's Appalling Hobby:
From the Party Guilty of Committing 'Gate of Ivory, Gate of Horn'
The Age of Gold. Also, Silver. Oh, and Bronze, Come to That. 2 / 2


When they entered their suite, with its two bedrooms for ostensibly separate use, they were alarmed to see that a visitor was awaiting them: a willowy figure-skater with hair as dark and as unfortunate as Harry’s own, a nose that showed what Snape’s had been meant to be had it been properly proportioned, and a kit comprised of Capri pants with a ‘Hello Kitty’ motif appliquéd upon them and a very tight shirt covered in paste and sequins, bearing the legend, ‘Johnny, Are You Weir?’.  He did not quail at the sight of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy with wands trained steadily upon him.  Rather, he pouted.  ‘You might have come to me,’ said he.  ‘I could have spared you several hours of work.’


‘And you are?’ 


The visitor gestured to his shirtfront.


‘More pertinently,’ said Harry, grimly, ‘how did you access this suite?’


Their visitor sighed and rolled his eyes.  ‘Den said he’d left a note.’


So he had done.  Harry scanned it – it was quite brief – and passed it to Draco.


‘You’re a male Veela.’


‘Yes, yes.  I know – but honestly, darling, I only turn it on when I’m skating with Stéphane for fun, I’d never use it in competition.  And I could have saved you ever so much time if you’d only asked: everyone knows, all the athletes, I mean, who is and who isn’t.  Well, magical, too.  And that little South Korean bitch is utterly full of shit, there isn’t a dangerous Being or Beast in these Games at all.  Unless you want me to be dangerous?’


Harry, who was by his own admission the straightest and blandest bisexual Wizard in the United Kingdom and Her Majesty’s other realms and territories beyond the seas, noticed that the mannerisms that had at first seemed annoyingly effeminate were increasingly fluid and fluent, instinct with beauty that was no whit the less masculine for its androgynous grace.  He hadn’t time to notice anything further, as their guest was now saying, throatily and seductively, ‘I suppose, as I’ve cost you so much wasted time, I could make it up to you,’ and Draco was pulling him rather forcefully into the next room.


‘Draco –’


‘Harry, don’t be a fool.  I know you’re relatively immune to Veela, but we’re not all of us so bloody-minded.’  Draco shook his head as if to clear it.


‘Yes, all right, but we can’t simply toss him out, we’ll want to take him back to the Village discreetly, I shouldn’t want him to be disqualified or some damned thing for assisting us with our enquiries –’


‘Potter, you adorably thick moron.’  Draco was whispering hotly in his ear.  ‘I don’t want to chuck him out, you fool, I want us to take him up on his offer.’




‘Veela.  Third best arse on the planet, behind mine and yours.  Threesome.  Now.’  Draco, damn the man, had put his tongue in Harry’s ear, which always ended their arguments quite effectively by the simple expedient of shutting Harry’s brain function down quite comprehensively.


The next morning, a rather hollow-eyed and drained, if irrepressibly smug, Harry and Draco asked their Canadian and Yank counterparts to escort the figure skater back to the athletes’ compound with many thanks for his assistance with their enquiries.  Den and Luna carefully kept their faces blank, although inwardly cheering (and in Luna’s case, imagining rather a lot, though her fantasies were not a patch on what had actually transpired).


By the time they had returned to London, it was rather late in the day to report to Kingsley.  They minuted their success and arranged to meet the Minister just before luncheon the next day.  As they turned in, Draco looked at Harry admiringly.  ‘I don’t know which was the more impressive.  Your performance in bed, or your tempering justice with mercy on finding that some of the competitors, whether technically in breach of the rules or no, had special advantages.’


Harry dragged him down into their own comfortable bed.  ‘I’ll happily demonstrate the prowess yet again – I shouldn’t wish it thought to have been a one-off.  As for bending the rules of sport … my dear Draco, it was only the Olympics, you know.  Not as if it were the Ashes.’


The next forenoon, Draco was already seated in Kingsley’s office when Harry, to the consternation of everyone and with his usual disregard for the putatively impossible, Apparated into it.  He handed a sputtering Kingsley a Muggle CD, and laid out a spread of Chinese takeaway with the flick of his wand.


‘We came bearing gifts,’ said he.


‘Long way to go for takeaway,’ said Kingsley, warily.


‘This?  Oh, I braved Muggle Soho for it just now, in the rain.  I hope you like beef chow mein.’


Kingsley looked at him strangely.  ‘And a Warren Zevon CD – I’ve heard of him, he was popular what time your father and Black and Remus were marauding about.’


‘Yes.  Well worth a listen.  Particularly before the next time you send us out chasing werewolves on the bare word of someone named Lee Ho-Suk.’ 





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41 comments or Leave a comment
tekalynn From: tekalynn Date: February 24th, 2010 12:43 am (UTC) (Link)

You know, that song *did* keep drifting through my mind whenever I saw that skater's name. It didn't occur to me to put two and two together, however. Good show.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: February 24th, 2010 03:45 pm (UTC) (Link)

And his hair was perfect.

I will stoop to any level for a gag, you know.
noeon From: noeon Date: February 24th, 2010 04:24 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh dear. I actually had to google the "Werewolves of London" lyrics to get the last joke.

Lovely bit of athletic fun. Who knew Draco was such a fan? And the Hello Kitty Capri pants!

I'm still laughing over Paris and the bijou little camp. Luna and the shamans is also wonderful. The main event may not have been televised, but it was certainly photogenic in the imagination. Was this the short program or the long?

And how in tarnation is this supposed to help any of us focus?

femmequixotic From: femmequixotic Date: February 24th, 2010 05:12 am (UTC) (Link)
I would swear now never to mock your Hello Kitty pants again, with the vision of Johnny G Weir wearing them in my head now, but we know that would be a false promise. :D
noeon From: noeon Date: February 24th, 2010 05:19 am (UTC) (Link)
And I would wonder whether you were breathing.
femmequixotic From: femmequixotic Date: February 24th, 2010 05:23 am (UTC) (Link)
I think I've forgotten what breathing is lately. >:( Stupid flu.
noeon From: noeon Date: February 24th, 2010 05:25 am (UTC) (Link)
*makes more tea*

It will be over soon. Is just the epizootic from hell. :(
femmequixotic From: femmequixotic Date: February 24th, 2010 05:31 am (UTC) (Link)
Woe. :(

*is a very poor sick person, I'm afraid*
noeon From: noeon Date: February 24th, 2010 05:35 am (UTC) (Link)
*pats gently*
wemyss From: wemyss Date: February 24th, 2010 03:46 pm (UTC) (Link)

Greatly obliged, m'dear.

The long programme, I think. Focus, darling, focus.
femmequixotic From: femmequixotic Date: February 24th, 2010 05:10 am (UTC) (Link)


Okay. Allow me to compose myself for a moment. Oh hell, who am I kidding, there will be no composure. I am pretty much flailing like an absolutely madwoman because oh my God Harry/Draco/Johnny. I just. Blown away right now. Seriously. No words. Just glee and a morass of incoherent squee here at this moment. I mean, really. My brain had gone as far as Johnny/Draco, but now, yes, I see the absolute brilliance of Harry/Draco/Johnny, and I may now be entirely enamoured with it.

Also? Paris? SPOT ON. That was just laugh-out-loud perfection there.

And Johnny's Hello Kitty pants made me howl. Particularly because Noe has a favourite pair that I always tease her for wearing. :D

Oh, this was lovely. And brilliant. And I'm going to go back and read it again. And probably again. And then I'm going to ponder what kind of scores Harry and Draco would have given Johnny for his performance that night. \0/


noeon From: noeon Date: February 24th, 2010 05:18 am (UTC) (Link)
You TART! How could you. I do not have...yes, I do. But not capris. And I've never worn them out of doors to the market when I was lazy and you had to have something from Whole Foods.

My brain had gone as far as Johnny/Draco, but now, yes, I see the absolute brilliance of Harry/Draco/Johnny, and I may now be entirely enamoured with it.

It's a quantum leap, pairings-wise. Or a quad. I think wemyss gets gold for this.
femmequixotic From: femmequixotic Date: February 24th, 2010 05:22 am (UTC) (Link)
*eyes you* Should I remind you of the time you thought about wearing them to the MFA? :D

And I would go as far as to suggest a double gold for wemyss even. Because, really. HARRY/DRACO/JOHNNY WEIR. I JUST.

*starts flailing again*
noeon From: noeon Date: February 24th, 2010 05:24 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, you are RUTHLESS.

Perhaps a medal for each?
femmequixotic From: femmequixotic Date: February 24th, 2010 05:30 am (UTC) (Link)
And people doubt my Slytherin tendencies.

noeon From: noeon Date: February 24th, 2010 05:31 am (UTC) (Link)
Only fools, darling. Only fools.

Agreed. \0/
wemyss From: wemyss Date: February 24th, 2010 03:50 pm (UTC) (Link)

You're very kind. Thank you very much.

I am alarmed, I own, to find that there actually are such things as Hello Kitty trousers (and in my research, these are clearly trousers, yet I never seem them called other than as 'pants' when they are 'Capri pants'); I had really thought that HK Capri 'pants' wd be an utterly over the top invention.

Next thing we know, he'll come out in that I-thought-fictional shirt with 'Johnny Are You Weir?' on it....
femmequixotic From: femmequixotic Date: February 25th, 2010 05:34 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: You're very kind. Thank you very much.

There are indeed such trousers, I can vouch for that. And I wouldn't at all be surprised to find pants as well to be honest, though I've not seen them in the wild. :D You would be surprised at what they'll slap Hello Kitty on these days.

You know, at the moment, I'd probably buy one of those t-shirts. *g* And wear it. A lot. Oh, God. /0\
From: (Anonymous) Date: February 25th, 2010 02:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
They wouldn't be pyjama trousers, would they? Because no self-respecting person would wear those in public.
venivincere From: venivincere Date: February 24th, 2010 06:13 am (UTC) (Link)
*dies dies dies* I can't stop laughing. Every stitch of this fic is hysterical, but I cried laughing at this line:

"...my dear Draco, it was only the Olympics, you know. Not as if it were the Ashes"

*dies again*
wemyss From: wemyss Date: February 24th, 2010 03:52 pm (UTC) (Link)

Yes, that was, actually, my favourite as well.

Even more than the final Zevon gag towards wh I had written the whole boiling.

Thank you for yr vy kind words.
From: seneska Date: February 24th, 2010 05:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm afraid I'm completely Olympic illiterate but I loved the story. Luna knows all! It's so good to have your writing on my flist again. I keep meaning to go back and read more of the old stuff.

wemyss From: wemyss Date: February 24th, 2010 06:33 pm (UTC) (Link)

You? I had to mug all this balls up on the Internet.

And all for the sake of a Warren Zevon joke at that. (Mr Weir minced in courtesy of Noeon and Femmequixotic, who are currently Rather Obsessed and through whom alone I know anything of the lad.)

I'm vy glad you liked it. Thank you.
From: seneska Date: February 24th, 2010 11:20 pm (UTC) (Link)

Is this a cultural thing?

Are they American? A lot of my flist seems to be taken with skating and it's never come up on my radar but all of the interested flist are American. As a child with a mother obsessed with sport I found the skating at Olympics interesting but always thought the judges were harsh. They never seemed to score fun routines highly and I admit, I've not watched any in about a decade.

And I would hope for some more serious considerations if it were the ashes!

wemyss From: wemyss Date: February 25th, 2010 04:26 pm (UTC) (Link)

Mostly, yes.

And of course the Ashes MATTER, unlike this quadrennial rubbish.
el_staplador From: el_staplador Date: February 24th, 2010 10:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, that was a lot of fun! 'Wizden's Quidditchers' Almanack' is a particularly neat touch, and I am intrigued by your delicate hints at a ménage à quatre.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: February 24th, 2010 11:01 pm (UTC) (Link)

I'm so glad you liked it.

All the more in that I am so rarely accused of, or credited with, delicacy.

If it was half as fun to read as it was to write, I'm happy.
meril From: meril Date: February 25th, 2010 03:22 am (UTC) (Link)
I saw this over my friendsfriends view today and I am so glad I read it. (While watching short track, yet....) It was a great fic with an even greater pun at the end, and I appreciate any author who can do that. I've read enough disastrous Feghoots in sf fandom to appreciate a good one.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: February 25th, 2010 04:19 pm (UTC) (Link)

Not so shaggy as that, sir.

I'm greatly obliged. Thank you.
blamebrampton From: blamebrampton Date: February 25th, 2010 02:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
*Snort!* Oh dear! And yet I loved that song so you are wholly forgiven. Delightfully silly and fun and Draco's handling of Harry was spot-on. Thank you!
wemyss From: wemyss Date: February 25th, 2010 04:25 pm (UTC) (Link)


After LRC, I really cannot see that you've any business pretending to look severely upon puns.

It WAS fun, wasn't it. Thank you. (And as for how Draco, ah, handles Harry ... well, that's the whole point of fandom, isn't it.)
franalan From: franalan Date: February 26th, 2010 01:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is utterly wonderful! *dies laughing* And Werewolves of London &hearts
wemyss From: wemyss Date: February 26th, 2010 02:15 pm (UTC) (Link)

Ta, love. Much obliged.

It was such fun to write; I'm glad to hear it's fun to read.
lotus_lizzy From: lotus_lizzy Date: February 26th, 2010 04:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hehehehe :) You know you have just added more fuel to the Olympics flame carried around by our fellow fandomers, right? Your camp and wit were well played :) *LOL*
wemyss From: wemyss Date: February 26th, 2010 04:51 pm (UTC) (Link)

Flames, as it were, on, o fandom.

Thankee, lass.
themostepotente From: themostepotente Date: February 27th, 2010 05:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
OMG, this fic pretty much made my week. SO. MUCH. WIN.

What would I do without Femme's keen eye?

My only complaint, which is, teeny tiny, is that I wish you would have put a header in the first part. There's not much to go by, and I like knowing a word count before I commit myself. But yeah, wonderful fic is wonderful ♥

I think I'm going to friend you, I hope you don't mind.

Edited at 2010-02-27 05:55 pm (UTC)
wemyss From: wemyss Date: March 2nd, 2010 05:31 pm (UTC) (Link)

No, no, delighted to welcome you to Bedlam.

And thank you, I'm most obliged for yr kind words.

I quite agree that I want to use headers more often. I suppose that I'm simply so frustrated to be told a post is just too long and must be split, that I cannot remember to do so. I regret the imbalance.
drgaellon From: drgaellon Date: February 28th, 2010 01:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh. Oh, dear. Veela!Johnny has broken my poor brain. I mean, he's already one of the sexiest male things on two legs (second only to my beloved Adam Lambert)... now make him Veela!sexy and straight men will turn. And he's using it on poor Stéphane? The Swiss boy won't know which end is up.

wemyss From: wemyss Date: March 2nd, 2010 05:29 pm (UTC) (Link)

Which end is - er, well, yes.

And thank you.
dark0feenix From: dark0feenix Date: March 1st, 2010 09:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee! What a fun story! :)

Kingsley was exceptionally jovial, unconscionably affable, and unnervingly quick to throw an arm across Harry’s shoulders and propel him firmly towards the ministerial sanctum.
Harry recognised immediately that he was soon to be given a particularly shit task.

‘Oh! They’re in an entirely different part of this bijou little camp. I can show you – walk this way.’
Harry affected not to hear Draco’s sotto voce, ‘Couldn’t walk that way if I tried.’

wemyss From: wemyss Date: March 2nd, 2010 05:28 pm (UTC) (Link)

Thank you.

It was certainly enjoyable to write. I'm glad it has given pleasure to those who read.
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