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A new challenge round: Quote Not Quite - Wemyss's Appalling Hobby:
From the Party Guilty of Committing 'Gate of Ivory, Gate of Horn'
wemyss
wemyss
A new challenge round: Quote Not Quite

This week’s challenge – which, really, will go on until we’re all tired of it, which mayn’t be as far off as you think – is to rewrite as many ‘famous quotations’ as you like, in the style of whatever fandom you wish.

 

Thus, the closing lines of The Great Gatsby, rewritten for the Potterverse, might be, ‘So we fly on, brooms against the jet stream, borne back ceaselessly into the past’ – which is very nearly as silly as the original, isn’t it.

 

At the end of the round, I shall – however unwillingly – award points, and points mean prizes.  Now, what do points mean?

 

[PRIZES!]

 

That’s right, you materialistic, grasping buggers, points mean prizes, and this round’s prize is certain to catch the fancy of any writer or reader of slashy, campy AUs: it’s an alternate universe in which the Prime Minister is Lionel Blair….

 

Let’s begin.*

 

_____________________

* Is it only me, or does anyone else wonder what the devil the country will do once Humph finally drops off the twig?  I shudder at the prospect.

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Comments
tree_and_leaf From: tree_and_leaf Date: September 2nd, 2006 03:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
It is a little known fact that Shakespeare also wrote for magical theatres, possibly lured by the possibility for stage effects.† Though it did pose difficulties, as he found when audiences refused to believe that Juliet wouldn't consider the possibility that Romeo was using the Draft of Living Death.

Obviously, a certain amount of tactful re-writing was needed. Thus we have for example the beginning of Hamlet's famous soliloquy:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
Hexes and curses of outrageous fortune,
Or to raise wands against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?

Again, though, the audience was somewhat unsatisfied by Shakespeare's portrayal of ghosts, and the play did much better in front of Muggles.

†The phenomenon of plays wandering between the magical and muggle world in fact continued: there's a reason why Faust II is practically unstagable even with modern technology.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: September 3rd, 2006 01:26 pm (UTC) (Link)

If only I weren't bent.

I'd propose.
nineveh_uk From: nineveh_uk Date: September 5th, 2006 10:22 am (UTC) (Link)
possibly lured by the possibility for stage effects
Polyjuice potion made all those sets of twins a lot easier, for a start.
tree_and_leaf From: tree_and_leaf Date: September 5th, 2006 10:47 am (UTC) (Link)
Suddenly it all makes sense!
serriadh From: serriadh Date: September 4th, 2006 09:52 pm (UTC) (Link)

Somewhat in awe of tree_and_leaf, I submit my humble offerings:

Long after the war, Hermione Granger reflects on her marriage to Draco Malfoy and the curious circumstances of his tragic first marriage in her bestselling novel, Pansy :

Last night I dreamt I went to Hogwarts again. It seemed to me I stood by the gates leading to the caslte, and for a while I could not enter, for the way was barred to me. There were wards and charms upon the gate. I called in my dream to Hagrid, and had no answer, and peering through the gates I saw that his hut was uninhabited and the castle derelict.

And here is Dumbledore's speech, made on the occasion of the re-opening of Hogwarts after the (first) war against Voldemort.

This brainchild of Godric's, this fabl'd school,
This birth of wizardry, this seat of skill,
This other Eden, demi-Avalon,
This castle built by Magic for the training
Of young students in the noble arts,
This happy home of youth, this little world,
This precious stone set in a silver lake,
Which serves it in the office of a ward,
Or as a wand protective of its wielder ,
Against the onslaught of Death Eaters' schemes;
This blessed school, this earth, this realm, this Hogwarts
serriadh From: serriadh Date: September 4th, 2006 09:57 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oh dear, I've upset my brain now;

I've had the most horrible vision of a house elf in the Mrs. Danvers role; hating Hermione for supplanting Pansy (and her unsuitability to be Draco's wife)
tree_and_leaf From: tree_and_leaf Date: September 5th, 2006 10:46 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Oh dear, I've upset my brain now;

Kreacher's sister, by the sounds of things! I like your line of thought, in a slightly disturbing way.
tree_and_leaf From: tree_and_leaf Date: September 5th, 2006 10:48 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Oh dear, I've upset my brain now;

And i think your Shakespeare parody is better than my Shakespear parody.
tree_and_leaf From: tree_and_leaf Date: September 5th, 2006 11:05 am (UTC) (Link)

Continuing my efforts to go for the bleedin' obvious...

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a young wizard of good fortune must be in want of a house elf"

Or it is until Hermione Granger - post war - decides to convert Blaise Zabini to the cause of SPEW.

nineveh_uk From: nineveh_uk Date: September 6th, 2006 10:06 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Continuing my efforts to go for the bleedin' obvious...

House elves have a certain potential...

"Al normal house elves are alike, but each abnormal house elf is abnormal after its own fashion"
tree_and_leaf From: tree_and_leaf Date: September 6th, 2006 10:12 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Continuing my efforts to go for the bleedin' obvious...

True, that!

This is beginning to look like the 'in my pants!' joke, though...
nineveh_uk From: nineveh_uk Date: September 8th, 2006 11:46 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Continuing my efforts to go for the bleedin' obvious...

The 'in my pants' joke may be childish, but is certainly funny. My sister and I had to explain it to our parents recently after we were all watching Prisoner of Azkaban and she and I started giggling at Lupin and Harry on the bridge. Sister had subjected the film to the pants treatment, including the line,

"...I recognized you, Harry. Not by your eyes, but by your pants. They're your mother, Lily's."
tree_and_leaf From: tree_and_leaf Date: September 8th, 2006 02:03 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Continuing my efforts to go for the bleedin' obvious...

He he.

Well, the Dursleys did go in for clothing him in handmedowns...
tree_and_leaf From: tree_and_leaf Date: September 6th, 2006 10:24 am (UTC) (Link)

Anyone recognise what this is parodying?

12, Grimmauld Place was angry.
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 15th, 2006 10:21 pm (UTC) (Link)

Under A Dragon Moon

Hello:
I have been trying to read your story the "Under a Dragon Moon"'but am not able to get there. Chapter one had the same error (message below) which Fictionalley was able to fix for me but they have not been able to do so for the second chapter. I have gone to your Live Journal and read your tidbits but do not see where you have posted this story at another location. Have you and please tell me how to get to it. Also is the chapter 2 the end of the story as you have not posted any more chapters?
Thanks
zairbeth@aol.com

Error: Object not found!
We had some unexpected downtime this week.

One of the techies was trying to test something for a Cool New Feature That Authors Will Love And Which We Expect To Announce Really Soon, and broke the database in the process, which made some fics hard to get to, and others became hard to review.

But he fixed it, and everything was up and working again - out of the 80,000-plus chapters on FictionAlley, over 79,000 of them are working, which means about 1000 still have problems. If you come across such a problem, please email the help desk at help@fictionalley.org.

Then, our server host had some lightening issues. And that brought down all our servers for a few hours. We had to do multiple reboots, but it finally worked and we're all back and working now.

Thanks for being so patient, and look for our Cool New Feature later this month!
If you think this is a server error, please contact the webmaster. Please note that we recently updated our software, and as a result many fics have moved. We recommend that you try using our new search engine to locate any fic that is returning an error.
Error 404
www.fictionalley.org
Fri Sep 15 22:05:56 2006
wemyss From: wemyss Date: September 15th, 2006 10:42 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Under A Dragon Moon

Yes, I know. Apparently, UADM is one of the 1000 out of 80000 that is still bollixed. I'll remind them. Meanwhile, Watch This Space.
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 16th, 2006 12:21 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Under A Dragon Moon

Thank you
zairbeth
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 24th, 2006 12:34 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Under A Dragon Moon

As of today, Chapter 2 is now fixed in Schnoogle. Enjoyed it and can't wait to read more. Will continue to visit for Chapter 3 updates. Zairbeth
wemyss From: wemyss Date: September 24th, 2006 07:41 pm (UTC) (Link)

Thank you.

Ad interim, Chapters 3 and 4 are located HERE:
http://community.livejournal.com/wemyssfic/
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