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No, no, NOOOOO, DAMN IT! - Wemyss's Appalling Hobby:
From the Party Guilty of Committing 'Gate of Ivory, Gate of Horn'
wemyss
wemyss
No, no, NOOOOO, DAMN IT!

I continue my occasional passing remarks on Things What Do Me Head In in fanfic.

 

Firstly?  THESE are manor houses: http://www.geograph.org.uk/search.php?i=633619.

 

THESE are not:

http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/266693

http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/153614

http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/314

http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/44149

http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/239718

http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/6316

http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/40932.

 

At the very most – and even that is unlikely – the Malfoys would live in something like Kedleston.  Not some fangirl’s dim idea of bleeding Neuschwanstein, damn it.

 

Also.  The British love dogs.  Can, indeed, and do, look with equanimity upon, say, Darfur, or Rwanda, yet erupt in Death-of-Di-style soppiness over a terrier run over by a motorist.

 

You don’t like Marge?  No one does.  You think Ripper’s a bad doggie?  Fine.  You think your fic plays well in the Natal Land of Potter when you therefore kill off, not only Aunt Marge, but the dog?  THINK AGAIN.

 

I don’t at all mean to turn into the Ravening Beast of Britpicking, but if you cannot be arsed to look these things out, that speaks very poorly of your commitment to your craft.  Perhaps you’d prefer a nearer, more American fandom?  God knows there are enough of them.

 

Next time, some personal blogging, hazy recollections of S’n’Andrew’s Day coupled with staying up for the Ashes, funerals, and the like; and on the fandom side, a bit about canon … and the art of fugue.

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28 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
sollersuk From: sollersuk Date: December 4th, 2006 09:10 am (UTC) (Link)
It's not just fanfic writers. May I pass these links on to a group of historical fiction writers I am involved with? They also make bad mistakes in the other direction and have the Earl of Whatsit living in something like a suburban villa, with a housemaid answering the door and only seating for four in the drawing room.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 4th, 2006 03:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

Heavens, of course you may. Always. No need of asking.

Mind you, depending on when the previous earl died, I can almost imagine an earl in, say, the 1950s, in a semi-detached, ranting of death duty and Labour governments....
sollersuk From: sollersuk Date: December 4th, 2006 04:14 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Heavens, of course you may. Always. No need of asking.

*sigh* like I said, it's a historical fiction group and altogether too many are fixated on Regency. If they were doing straightforward Heyer fanfic there would be fewer disasters.
shezan From: shezan Date: December 4th, 2006 04:30 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Heavens, of course you may. Always. No need of asking.

If everybody were doing straightforward Heyer fanfic, it is to be hoped that fewer mistakes would be made all round (or you wonder why they were reading Heyer in the first place) but considering what got published as Regency Romance, The-New-Heiress-To-The-Heyer-Mantle-style over the years...
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 4th, 2006 04:35 pm (UTC) (Link)

... And our stunning hero, Lance deFlower.

I've never understood the Regency biznai. I mean, Prinny was ghastly, Brummell was a social-climbing shit, people had the audacity to ignore Jane Austen.... The only fun parts were Wellington and Nelson thrashing the Frogs, and if these are models for Regency romance, well, Emma was a whore, Horatio was, to use an Americanism, whipped, and the whole Kitty-and-Arthur disaster hardly bears thinking of ('Jove, she's grown ugly!').
shezan From: shezan Date: December 4th, 2006 05:10 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: ... And our stunning hero, Lance deFlower.

Have you read the better Heyers? Frederica, A Civil Contract, The Grand Sophy? You'd get it at once. The woman was brilliantly talented. Her Regency is a superior kind of la-la land now adopted by every English girl (and many boys) of a certain class as The Ideal To Tend To, supported by ferociously good research - her account of the battle of Waterloo, in An Infamous Army, is taught at Sandhurst.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 4th, 2006 05:24 pm (UTC) (Link)

I'm familiar.

With the battle account, that is.

I've no complaints of Heyer. It's the imitators.
shezan From: shezan Date: December 4th, 2006 05:46 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: I'm familiar.

You should RUN and read 'em. Heck, I'll email you the ebooks, if you like; Heyer is VERY funny.
shezan From: shezan Date: December 4th, 2006 04:31 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Heavens, of course you may. Always. No need of asking.

Ha! Knew two of those in the late 70s...
shezan From: shezan Date: December 4th, 2006 04:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
You think your fic plays well in the Natal Land of Potter when you therefore kill off, not only Aunt Marge, but the dog? THINK AGAIN.

*iz ded*

One of my favourite HP authors, ajhalluk, who IS English, has Draco living in a Manor that's definitely more Kedleston, a Jacobean version thereof, than the Hyacinth Bucket on crack manors you've got above. Can you live with it?
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 4th, 2006 04:40 pm (UTC) (Link)

Of course,

I permit La Hall anything. Genius cannot be limited by rules.

I still don't, personally, see the Malfoys in their own Wilton House, but tastes differ. It's when they're put in some bastardised Buck House that I get restive, let alone some ersatz habitable Linlithgow.
shezan From: shezan Date: December 4th, 2006 05:07 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Of course,

I permit La Hall anything. Genius cannot be limited by rules.

Quate.

(I'll be seriously impressed if you Name That Quote [Quate.])
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 4th, 2006 05:30 pm (UTC) (Link)

Alas...

... I shall once again fail to impress. It's not coming.
shezan From: shezan Date: December 4th, 2006 05:45 pm (UTC) (Link)

Quate

It's Bertie Wooster answering Roderick Spode, I think in Aunts Aren't Gentlemen, when Spode proposes to butter him over the lawn and jump on the remains in hobnailed boots.
darkthirty From: darkthirty Date: December 4th, 2006 04:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
I saw a guy kick a pigeon last year, and my first response was the urge to take his head off...

wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 4th, 2006 05:03 pm (UTC) (Link)

Really?

Bit stiff, that, if he was only playing with his food.
darkthirty From: darkthirty Date: December 4th, 2006 10:15 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Really?

Well,the pigeon was eating some seeds in a doorway, and the guy kinda cornered it and kicked it one. It flew/flopped off injured.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 4th, 2006 10:52 pm (UTC) (Link)

Ah.

I tend to think of squab as an entree, mostly.

Potshots and wounded game are, however, Not On. Damned unsporting.
themolesmother From: themolesmother Date: December 4th, 2006 04:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
You don’t like Marge? No one does. You think Ripper’s a bad doggie? Fine. You think your fic plays well in the Natal Land of Potter when you therefore kill off, not only Aunt Marge, but the dog? THINK AGAIN.

*Grins* How true. It's interesting to note how many of our English guests tut tut over the fact that our neighbour's dog is shut up in an enclosure and never seems to get any exercise. None of the guests of other nationalities have ever mentioned it.

I used Hatfied House as my model for Malfoy Manor, although I suppose the adjoining Old Palace would probably be closer to the pictures you've used.

MM





shezan From: shezan Date: December 4th, 2006 05:12 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Well, that might work.

Compton Beauchamp would work and is very pretty.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 4th, 2006 05:19 pm (UTC) (Link)

Yes, I know.

What FOOL let it pass out of the family through the distaff line ... well.

Pretty. Yes.
From: seneska Date: December 4th, 2006 05:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh dear. Have people been upsetting you again?

Who killed the dog? I wish to know so it can be ignored forthwith. And I'm a cat person.

xx
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 4th, 2006 05:32 pm (UTC) (Link)

Lord, I dunno, I've blotted it from memory.

(You use a draconic icon, I use a Draconic icon....)

I just observe these follies and report them.
From: seneska Date: December 4th, 2006 05:36 pm (UTC) (Link)

All I need is a Potter-nic icon and I'm sorted

Maybe a small urn or somesuch.

Good grief, have you tried putting "Urn" into google images? There's a very naked man there.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 4th, 2006 07:31 pm (UTC) (Link)

IS there?

I shall Google for it forthwith.
From: (Anonymous) Date: December 4th, 2006 10:14 pm (UTC) (Link)

Wordy McWord

THANK YOU. During the 18 months I spent in Frankfurt in the 90's I more than once had to tell American colleagues planning field trips into the wild German countryside that not only was Neuschwanstein built in the 19th century by a mad king with more money than sense, in my humble opionion it also made Prinny's pavilion in Brighton look like a shining example of modesty and good taste. That German monstrosity is so OTT it's not even funny - and of course Disney WOULD use it as a prime example of a medieval castle. This, when there are scores of perfectly gorgeous genuine medieval castles scattered all over Europe... but I digress.

Also, WORD again to the British and their dogs (and other pets). Having lived next door to a British couple (also in my Frankfurt days) I bear witness to that fact. Being a devoted cat owner/slave myself, I consider it one of your most endearing qualities. *smile*

I thought Kedleston looked rather like A.J. Hall's version of Malfoy Manor. The Malfoys would feel right at home there, I'm sure.

/Blondel (who still hasn't got her own LiveJournal)
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 4th, 2006 10:55 pm (UTC) (Link)

Huzzah! My beloved Blondel!

Thanks, love.

You know, they used Kedleston as the model for the viceroy's palace in Calcutta. You can imagine what Curzon thought when HE became G-G and Viceroy.
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