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A village party looms. - Wemyss's Appalling Hobby:
From the Party Guilty of Committing 'Gate of Ivory, Gate of Horn'
A village party looms.


Well, well.


I seem – or, rather, the news of my presence seems – to have induced – please note the word: induced – that sweetest of lambykins, Amin Khan (of whom see http://wemyss.livejournal.com/134449.html#cutid1 and http://wemyss.livejournal.com/141439.html#cutid1) to attend a party come Saturday. 


In this I see the fine hands of Pippa (Philippa and Oliver are also attending) and – fine hand in fine glove with her – our soignée hostesses, my dear Lesbian friends ‘Chloe and Olivia’ (how else would I call them, after all?).  Chloe’s father is a retired Wet Tory politician of some regional eminence; Olivia’s, a very senior Army medico, now dead.  Scheming is in their blood.


The party is meant to be fancy-dress, with a particular theme – and one I find intriguing: espionage, spies, and thrillers.  I am struggling with what persona I ought to adopt.  I’m far too small a chap for David Audley.  I could of course go as George Smiley, and yet….  Oh, well, there’s always Jack Butler. 


The suggestion that should I go as TE Lawrence, with Amin Khan as Sherif Ali, is so insensitive that it can be excused only by the evident matchmaking impulses that prompted it.  (The other suggestion from Certain Quarters, that Amin Khan be told only that the party is to be fancy dress, but not told its theme, in the hopes that he might then turn up in various revealing costume possibilities, can be attributed only to the polymorphous salacity of Mesdemoiselles Philippa, Olivia, and Chloe.)


The fact of the matter is, however – to be unwontedly serious for a moment – that whilst Amin Khan is one of the most heroically attractive bits of fluff I’ve seen in decades, it is simply absurd to imagine that there could be anything between us.  Even discounting his still uncertain orientation, there are insurmountable differences in temperament and interest.  It would cut him wholly adrift from his family, community, and culture.  (Also, I should feel impelled to stop keeping pigs.  Even Anne (she’s a Berkshire.  Wait for it.  Hathaway).  The RBST would never forgive me.)  I’m old enough to be his father, and not quite sufficiently like FU to want everybody to call me ‘daddy’.  And so the list goes on.


It is in itself a not unamiable thing in the Three Witches so to scheme for my presumed happiness.  But it can’t of course go on.  I mislike to be managed in any event, and if they must meddle, they want to do a more rational job of it.


And why, after all, should it matter?  Cousin Ann’s son by Michael-een Og will take the lot in the end, unless Cousin Richard should marry; our race is largely run.  Cousin Mary is a spinster; Cousin James an equally confirmed bachelor, pottering about aimlessly and refusing to age.  In the elder generation, Great-uncle Archie’s son David died unwed and childless, and Margery will do.  Great-uncle Jack’s only grandson died of drugging and general debauch.  We’re played out, no waggon one would wish to hitch a rising star to, and perhaps it’s as well.  If I am to find a companion for my declining years, it will be a companion, who shares my interests and understands my ways.  I don’t need a lover-cum-substitute-son; the last member (on the wrong side the blanket) who tried that was the grandfather of a distant grandsire, and we know how that turned out, James and Steenie.


Yet one question remains.  George Smiley or Jack Butler?  Or ought it after all to be ‘Q’?


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6 comments or Leave a comment
From: silenceofcedars Date: October 30th, 2008 02:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
I have a very "M" like image of you. As to Mr Khan, allow the magic if you should feel the spark. We'll expect full details come Monday.

wemyss From: wemyss Date: November 1st, 2008 10:59 am (UTC) (Link)

More Albert Campion, really.

Details, dear boy? Tsk, tsk.
dolorous_ett From: dolorous_ett Date: October 30th, 2008 03:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Matchmakers are tiresome, however kindly meant.

Just go as yourself, and be yourself.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: November 1st, 2008 11:01 am (UTC) (Link)

Oh, THERE'S a recipe for disaster, eh?

I shall be myself, alas, however costumed. (Wish me luck.)
From: tree_and_leaf Date: October 30th, 2008 04:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Matchmakers are extremely irritating, even if well meaning (and I have seen people put off people they might have actually quite liked by having heavy hints dropped at them...)

I would have said Jack Butler, but I am fairly dreadful at fancy dress myself (which is why I have ended up going to a party tomorrow as Connery! Bond, on the basis that I won't look like anyone, of whichever sex, I try to dress up as, but I can do a reasonable approximation of a Fountainbridge accent, so I am not the right person to ask.

wemyss From: wemyss Date: November 1st, 2008 11:02 am (UTC) (Link)

True, on all counts.

And Col Jack Butler it may well be.
6 comments or Leave a comment