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Crossposting - if they post it - of my Limerick Cycle. - Wemyss's Appalling Hobby:
From the Party Guilty of Committing 'Gate of Ivory, Gate of Horn'
Crossposting - if they post it - of my Limerick Cycle.

A Limerick Cycle

Detailing the unfortunate events surrounding an instance of seasonal insomnia in Wintertide.

The initial report in the Gloucestershire Echo:

An old scold nigh to Stow on the Wold

Complained of sleeplessness when it was cold.

So they whisked her away

To the Bay of Biscay

And drowned that old, cold Cotswold scold.

The Council, who had paid for a therapeutic yachting trip to warmer climes for the OAP in question, disputed responsibility for her demise, and their reply graced the Western Daily Press, as follows:

That old party from Stow on the Wold

(Whose insomnia claims have been told)

Was indeed sailed away

To the Bay of Biscay.

Yet ’twas Fate holed the hold of the scold.

Her brother, who survived her, and who likewise suffered from seasonal insomnia in the colder months, disagreed, and threatened an action against the Council, as reported in the Hampshire Chronicle:

A crusty old bugger in Hampshire

(Senile: bathrobe and slippers and pampshire)

Had protested the thing

But then slept through the Spring

And that was the end of his rampshire.

Upon his death, however, the matter became a European scandal, as their joint heir-general was a young and rather laddish Anglo-French grandnephew, whose own hereditary tendency towards winter insomnia became the basis of an action in the European Court of Human Rights (The Times):

A young Frenchman who lived near to Beaune

Could not sleep in the cold if aleaune.

A CRU graph portends

A belle curve – with bell ends –

Well, I think we know where this is geaune.

A remedy was found, when the Brusselscrats established a new ‘human right’ applicable to such cases, which was reported with considerable disdain in the Daily Telegraph and famously decried by Daniel Hannan MEP:

That randy young Frog (l’homme du Beaune)

Has a right now to not sleep aleaune.

He’s protected from hoar

By a tax-funded corps

Of rent-girls from the Temperate Zeaune.

The upcoming general election is expected to be influenced by this latest European intrusion into home affairs (the more so as the Baroness Ashton was unable to refrain from ill-judged comment). As Fraser Nelson notes in the Spectator,

When a Gloucestershire crone couldn’t kip

During cold, icy Winter’s grim grip,

And the EU stepped in,

It may portend a win

For Better Off Out and UKIP.

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2 comments or Leave a comment
sgt_majorette From: sgt_majorette Date: December 11th, 2009 08:53 pm (UTC) (Link)

Silly. Silly, silly, silly...

Now, cut that out!
fpb From: fpb Date: December 11th, 2009 09:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
There once was a wit from Hampshire
Whose rhymes were exceedingly dire;
So they came from all over
From Troy to Bolsover
To hear out that wit from Hampshire.
2 comments or Leave a comment