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Well. That's enough of that. Let's turn to cheerier topics. - Wemyss's Appalling Hobby:
From the Party Guilty of Committing 'Gate of Ivory, Gate of Horn'
Well. That's enough of that. Let's turn to cheerier topics.

There has been much discussion of late regarding, ah, certain politicians, and how no one in her right mind wd sleep with Prezza.  

I began thinking, Who at Westminster would I sleep with (not that any of them would contemplate such a thing).

So here's my bipartisan list of shaggable MPs.

ADAM AFRIYIE. Full stop. No more need be said.
In his day, Michael Portillo, definitely.
Tobias Ellwood. Yes, PLEASE.
Nick Herbert, in a heart-beat.
Mark Harper. Yum.
Tim Loughton. Indeed.
To my shame, Kevin Brennan.
And Tom Brake. Politics be damned, he’s shaggable. (I am such a slut.)         
Jonathan Djanogly. Mmmmm.
Danny Alexander, most certainly, thanks.
Mark Field, please.
Nick Hurd. Unquestionably.
Oooh. Nick Clegg.
Fine. David Miliband. Any time, anywhere.
Jeremy Browne.
George Osborne.
Bill Wiggin.
John Leech, Mancunian wee leftist though he be.
Um. Oh, all right, I admit it. Adam Price.
Andy Burnham.
Oh, why not. Stephen Williams for a bit o’ LibDem fluff.
Jamie Reed, if he would only belt up.
Matthew Taylor, thanks.
James Brokenshire. It’s my weakness for anorak-twinks.
Jeremy Hunt.
Possibly Hugo Swire.
Andrew George.
Evan Harris, definitely.
Stephen Crabb. Oh, yes.
I dunno … Ed Davey, perhaps?
Oddly, David Ruffley has his moments.
Equally oddly, so does Ben Bradshaw.
More oddly yet, so does Ed Vaizey.
He’s gone to seed. But he’s still fun. So here’s a sentimental vote for Boris Johnson.
Mark Prisk can get frisky with me whenever he likes.
Mark Lancaster.
Greg Clark.
Nick Harvey, if pressed.
Daniel Kawczynski.
Steve Webb.
Huw Irranca-Davies, despite his silly ersatz double-barrelling.
Greg Hands, if desperate.
Chris Mole for a bit o’ rough.
Andrew Lansley.
Remotely possible: Graham Brady.
Perhaps James Purnell. Depends on how much I’d downed and how great a shit he was being.
Mark Francois.
Grant Shapps.
David Laws.
Hugh Robertson, not that he would.
Conceivably, John Mann, if he won’t talk socialism in bed.
Stewart Jackson, were he not such an utter twat.
Dominic Grieve, in a pinch.
Douglas Carswell, if he’d leave off being smug.
Graham Stuart.
Oh, all right. Greg Pope.
Gregory Barker if I were sufficiently pissed. Possibly.
John Baron, quite readily.
Mark Simmonds, I suppose.
David Burrowes in default of better prospects.
Jim Murphy? Er. Possibly.
(Whisper: Clive Efford.)
Richard Benyon as a last resort.
Ed Balls, I’m ashamed to admit.
Chris Bryant? When Hell ices over, and gay solidarity be damned.
Paul Burstow if there are no better offers.
Eh. Dan Norris.
Michael Foster, if he weren’t a sodding little sab.

There, that's much more cheery and less divisive, isn't it.  

Now back to matters Potterish.

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10 comments or Leave a comment
the_gentleman From: the_gentleman Date: May 5th, 2006 03:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
The very idea of my hobgoblinesque MP in any type of sexual grasp fills me with horror, and I'm glad to think you regard him as a last resort at best.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: May 5th, 2006 03:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

What can I say?

Consider the pool - MPs - I was working from. If you can find anyone in that lot who's not decrepit and can still fit into his old Army uniform, you have to give him a grudging nod.
magic_at_mungos From: magic_at_mungos Date: May 5th, 2006 04:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Having spent yesterday in a polling station and being highly irrated by the little twits (of all colours) last year at the general counts, I would tounch any of them with a barge pole.

However, that might be the tirdness speaking.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: May 5th, 2006 04:37 pm (UTC) (Link)

A barge pole?

You flatter my endowment, and I thank you.

And, yes, the political class are not, really, to be coveted.
magic_at_mungos From: magic_at_mungos Date: May 5th, 2006 05:32 pm (UTC) (Link)

Not coveting the political class...

If only because I've met some of the local councillors and some of their pet ideas leave a lot to be desired.

Serves me right for working local government really.
From: tree_and_leaf Date: May 5th, 2006 04:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'd never thought of my MP (Evan Harris) in that light before. Apparently not my type....

I am ashamed to admit that I think Gordon Brown was quite fanciable in his younger days.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: May 5th, 2006 05:12 pm (UTC) (Link)

But his playing squash racquets...

... has done well by his arse.
eagles_rock From: eagles_rock Date: May 5th, 2006 07:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
As the only other person who will admit to Gordon Brown - what about Alistair Campbell? I think he has potential as a shag and would be tremendous to talk to afterwards. At least, one's own opinions wouldn't shock him as they'd rarely be a patch on his own. Or is this some strange perversion?
eagles_rock From: eagles_rock Date: May 5th, 2006 05:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ha! There's only one MP currently sitting that I would consider without wanting to take ten years off him, and one commentator who I'd pin to a wall. :-)

Portillo; yes, absolutely. But I have a suspicion he's a closet vanilla man, and that just won't do; full-on weird sex or nothing.

Gordon Brown, first term in power only. Before he stopped washing his hair, started doing that odd jaw-thing and became a twat.

It's a hair thing; I had a fondness for Heseltine a few years ago. And could develop a 'Dave' thing; but that would be mainly to see his face when real rudeness was suggested.

After that I'm drawing a blank. Can I count Paxman (ten years off, please) but most of all, Andrew Rawnsley, who I would, in a heartbeat.

Boris - there's just something wrong with the idea of Boris having sex, IMHO, and yet he seems to be getting plenty. He has hair, but I think he'd be a clumsy oaf on the job.

Miliband - I'd lead him on only to reject him. I know that says way more about me than him, but I just can't abide the smirk. And I'm sure he dyes. :-)
wemyss From: wemyss Date: May 5th, 2006 05:13 pm (UTC) (Link)

You're EVIL.

I LIKE that.
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