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Head-canon and fugue (variations on TMI) – Ron - Wemyss's Appalling Hobby:
From the Party Guilty of Committing 'Gate of Ivory, Gate of Horn'
Head-canon and fugue (variations on TMI) – Ron
  1. It has required both potions and Durex to have kept his and Hermione’s number of children at two.
  2. When Rose and Hugo want to be talked out of something – or, perhaps more surprisingly to outsiders, when they want ‘validation’ – they go to Hermione. When they want understanding and a practical way out of whatever they’ve cocked up, they go to Ron.
  3. Ron is not, actually, at sea with emotions. He distrusts them, as grandmasters do, as Holmes did, and the more in that he knows his own temperament and the way in which all four of the classical humours run full in his family.
  4. He has never forgiven Fred for dying on him.
  5. He has never forgiven Percy for failing to be the brother he had formerly most looked up to.
  6. He has never forgiven himself for these inabilities to forgive.
  7. He was worried for years that mild, soft-spoken, intellectual Hugo was in fact gay. Then he found out that this persona allowed Hugo, firstly, to prank like a master and evade detection, and, secondly, to pull birds (part-Veela cousins included) like a very pulling thing. He was extremely gratified.
  8. He would not have admitted under Cruciatus that he’d worried about that, not least because he knew just what sort of illiberal views Hermione, Al, Harry, and several others should have accused him of holding.
  9. His boggart is no longer spiders.
  10. It’s his in-laws. And not because they’re Muggles.
  11. Although he does rather wish his father left off interrogating them about the Muggle world every sodding time they met.
  12. Ron should have been perfectly happy to have seen the Aurors continue as more of a police force than an Army: he’s quite capable of detective work, actually. But Harry is better at the overwhelming application of force, and that was that.
  13. He is the perfect 2i/c. And prefers to be.
  14. After a brief period of active service, he became a counter-jumper in George’s shop. Ostensibly.
  15. In fact, WWW has become the Wizarding Qinetiq, and Ron is Q to the Aurors, although always available to act as Harry’s 2i/c.
  16. It suits WWW and the Ministry that this should be an open secret, as it keeps the enemy nervous. They hardly dare pick up a teacup, really.
  17. Freddie and Al are his unacknowledged favourites amongst the nieces and nephews.
  18. James Sirius … well, as Rose’s father, Ron is Very Wary of Young James.
  19. He’s almost as fascinated by Muggle technology as is Arthur. When he discovered ice-cream vans … well, summer in the Otterys is not nowadays complete without a party involving Fortescue’s best served up by Ron from the old Muggle ice-cream van that (driving Hermione spare) lives in the orchard.
  20. I did say, ‘lives’: you remember the Ford Anglia? Same Charms.
  21. He loves his family. He adores his children. Harry is the best brother he never had. He even gets along with Malfoy now, as an adjunct to Teddy, Cousin Andromeda, and Cousin Narcissa (although he shall never forgive McLaggan and Smith). But Hermione is his world.
  22. It has been suggested, mind, that his mending fences with Malfoy has a good deal to do with his having become captivated by golf. Malfoy Manor is quite near Bowood….
  23. Ron never shall cease to love Quidditch and support, in hope, Chudley. Having discovered cricket and rugger, however….
  24. He’s not nearly so rabid for footer, but, like most Wizards, loyally supports Tottenham. COYS!
  25. Harry and Malfoy don’t realise it, but he knew their little secret before anyone else and has loyally kept silent. No, no, I mean the secret of a very early cooperation between them: providing the England side with bats made from the Whomping Willow (unbeknownst to the England players, I hasten to add).
  26. Australia has never been the same. Then again, Australia as a nation has never recovered from his visit with Hermione to recover her parents after the War. Ron had made far too good an Aussie (Hermione has been known to sigh that Ron ought never to have been introduced to Australia, and contrariwise.)
  27. He’s a lad, he’s always been laddish, and he shall always be laddish. Hermione has finally accepted that, if with no very good grace.
  28. Not that this means he’ll swill lager. He’s a member in good standing of CAMRA.
  29. And when it comes to it, when even Harry is too much family to tolerate for another minute, his pub crawls are with Nev and Dudley.
  30. Ron has after all learnt that being underestimated and dismissed as thick is a very great tactical advantage. As witness his career, and how much he’s got done whilst Hermione has been planning and arguing and charting it out all out. (She’s never best pleased to be presented with a fait accompli when she’s ready to impose her own plans, but has come to accept it. Grudgingly.)
  31. He has learnt to keep his temper in check under all circumstances. Unless he’s hungry, at which times anything at all sets him off like a WWW firework.
  32. In pursuit of keeping his temper, he has learnt to go to ground when Hermione is worked up, and particularly when she and Harry are arguing. Otherwise, they feed one another’s fires.
  33. He loathes town, and suffers it for Hermione’s sake. When there’s absolutely no other option. Otherwise, he is the most rooted and contented Wizard living, come to safe harbour after many storms. A peace, one notes, he would die, but much rather cause the enemy to die, to preserve. He really is the perfect Staff wallah and 2i/c to Harry – and has the gongs to show for it, if he were the sort to show them off.
  34. Hermione honestly doesn’t know it – Harry does – but Ron has had one and only one same-sex experience in his life. He decided it simply wasn’t for him, and there were no resentments on either side. Once a year, though, he slips off and leaves flowers at Colin’s grave. They both loved Harry more than they could say, after all.

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13 comments or Leave a comment
mayfly_78 From: mayfly_78 Date: August 26th, 2011 08:17 pm (UTC) (Link)

where's your glossary? don't make me have to google it!
wemyss From: wemyss Date: August 26th, 2011 08:18 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oh, sorry.

Second in command.
germankitty From: germankitty Date: August 27th, 2011 12:41 am (UTC) (Link)
Very interesting. Now I want your take on all the other major characters! Pretty please?

*sigh* I can has correct spelling ... if the sticky keys on my laptop would only cooperate!

Edited at 2011-08-27 12:43 am (UTC)
wemyss From: wemyss Date: September 2nd, 2011 01:08 pm (UTC) (Link)

In time, m'dear.

And thank you.
germankitty From: germankitty Date: September 2nd, 2011 01:14 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: In time, m'dear.

Yay! Can't wait ...
tekalynn From: tekalynn Date: August 27th, 2011 02:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Your last line touched me. Thank you for remembering Colin.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: September 2nd, 2011 01:09 pm (UTC) (Link)

One must remember Colin.

femmequixotic From: femmequixotic Date: August 27th, 2011 12:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
I love your Ron. Really.

And I am highly amused that all wizards are Spurs supporters. COYS indeed. \0/ That makes me ridiculously happy.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: September 2nd, 2011 01:10 pm (UTC) (Link)

Thank you.

And not even Dark Wizards shd support Chelsea.
being_here From: being_here Date: August 27th, 2011 10:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
I really love these lists - I love the whole world you have built.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: September 2nd, 2011 01:10 pm (UTC) (Link)

Thank you.

But I'm less the builder than the chap who does the pargetting.
leela_cat From: leela_cat Date: August 30th, 2011 05:35 am (UTC) (Link)
You know, a characterisation like this could actually get me to like Ron. What a concept.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: September 2nd, 2011 01:11 pm (UTC) (Link)

I'm obliged.

Vy kind of you.
13 comments or Leave a comment