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Timeo Danaos - Wemyss's Appalling Hobby:
From the Party Guilty of Committing 'Gate of Ivory, Gate of Horn'
Timeo Danaos
Harry had grown accustomed to this sort of thing over the years. When Draco had been introduced to Who Do You Think You Are, he’d been honestly puzzled: Why didn’t the slebs simply look in the muniments room? (Justin’s thoroughly Muggle pater had by all accounts asked the same thing: it wasn’t an instance of pureblood nescience as such.) When, once again, the Muggle Parliament had been convulsed by an expenses-and-second-homes scandal, Draco had honestly wondered why Members didn’t simply put up at their clubs when dragged up to Town for a sitting.
That a similar mistake had been made was far from Harry’s mind when he received, as nearly simultaneously as made no difference, a panicky Patronus from Hermione and an abrupt fire-call from Susan Bones at Mungo’s. He simply Apparated, heedless of wards, to the ward.
Hermione was twisting her hands. ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t reach you at first –’ Harry resolved to revise Auror regulations so that emergency communications were treated as such – ‘and he was … he was on my doorstep, pale and distrait and mumbling.’
‘Potions accident?’
‘No,’ said Su, sailing in in her Healer’s robes. ‘Simple shock.’
‘He wasn’t,’ said Hermione, carefully, ‘actually – well, he was muttering about Muggles and horrors and assault, and all a-tremble, but he hadn’t been hurt and he hadn’t hurt anyone, and he was mumbling about catalogues. It wasn’t as if he’d regressed to his old views, I made certain of that, and really, when I realised, I felt rather as he did.’
‘Did you.’
‘I feel simply horrid about that, but I did. Tell Su where you were planning to go for Christmas.’
‘It really would help, Harry,’ said Susan. ‘And I think you know you can rely on my discretion.’
‘Of course. I wasn’t meant to know, it was to have been a surprise, but we were going on holiday to Mykonos. Don’t tell him I know, he’s worked very hard on this surprise.’
‘Ah.’ Susan exchanged a glance with Hermione. ‘I’ll not let on, of course. Draco – Draco even now isn’t terribly familiar with the Muggle world, is he?’
‘He tries very diligently –’
‘You needn’t be defensive, Harry. I can see what was in his mind, and it was an easy mistake for him to have made.’
Harry’s patience was never lengthy. ‘Which was?’
‘I feel for him,’ said Hermione. ‘I mean, if all you know is Homer, well. I’m quite certain he assumed from the name that it had something to do with Greece, and I really cannot blame him for succumbing to culture-shock.’
‘Get on with it, Hermione –’
‘He’ll be right as rain after he sleeps off the potions I prescribed,’ said Su, briskly. ‘You can take him home in two hours.’
‘But what –’
Hermione took Harry’s hands in hers. ‘And be kind to him, Harry. It must have been horrid, even without Wizarding culture-shock. The poor dear – I can’t imagine the horror he of all people felt there – inadvertently went to Argos.’

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23 comments or Leave a comment
sgt_majorette From: sgt_majorette Date: October 27th, 2011 03:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
I had to look it up, but it's still funny.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: October 27th, 2011 03:57 pm (UTC) (Link)

Thank you.

Poor Draco.
floradelaney From: floradelaney Date: October 27th, 2011 03:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Poor malfoy! Once again fooled by muggle culture :)
wemyss From: wemyss Date: October 27th, 2011 03:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

For certain definitions of 'culture', yes.

lily_fayline From: lily_fayline Date: October 27th, 2011 04:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh the horror! But thank you for that mental image; Draco at Argos would be a sight to behold!
wemyss From: wemyss Date: October 27th, 2011 04:03 pm (UTC) (Link)

Pure comedy.

Innit (to use an appropriate term)?

Thank you.
From: tree_and_leaf Date: October 27th, 2011 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh dear, poor Draco...

I went to Argos over the summer, because I foolishly thought they might have archive boxes. They did, but the bottom fell out of them. While I was on a step ladder.

Well, I shan't make that mistake again.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: October 27th, 2011 04:18 pm (UTC) (Link)

The idea of you, there...

... is almost as mind-boggling as Draco lost in horror in an Argos.
From: tree_and_leaf Date: October 28th, 2011 10:16 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: The idea of you, there...

I think it's important to have an appreciation of how other people live (she said piously). On the other hand, once was enough!
wemyss From: wemyss Date: October 28th, 2011 12:39 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oh, of course.

That would be the excuse, naturally. (You were slumming, admit it.)
From: tree_and_leaf Date: October 28th, 2011 04:25 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Oh, of course.

Actually I just couldn't be bothered to walk to Staples, but I was justly punished for my laziness, as Staples' boxes turned out to be cheaper and sturdier.

Moral: going for what you think is the cheap option is usually more expensive in the long run. Or, in this case, the short run...
From: sirona_gs Date: October 27th, 2011 05:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ahahaha, oh Lord, poor Draco! Nobody deserves that horror! Do take him home, Harry, and make sure to cuddle him through the night, bless.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: October 27th, 2011 05:15 pm (UTC) (Link)

Well, Lucius might have deserved it.

But, Yes, I agree.
From: el_staplador Date: October 27th, 2011 05:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
wemyss From: wemyss Date: October 27th, 2011 05:15 pm (UTC) (Link)


Poor bugger.
germankitty From: germankitty Date: October 27th, 2011 09:26 pm (UTC) (Link)

You know you're going to hell for this, don't you?





*gives up*


wemyss From: wemyss Date: October 28th, 2011 12:34 pm (UTC) (Link)

Bats eyes.

Looks innocent.
germankitty From: germankitty Date: October 28th, 2011 02:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

*points at icon*

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. *snerk*
mayfly_78 From: mayfly_78 Date: October 27th, 2011 11:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
Haha! I, a muggle, once stepped into an Argos. It left me decidedly unimpressed.

But what does Argos have to do with Mykonos? The first is an old Mycenaean city in the centre of the Peloponnese and the other a Cycladic Island not very renowned in Ancient times (and now mostly known as a party island).
wemyss From: wemyss Date: October 28th, 2011 12:38 pm (UTC) (Link)

Classically, nothing.

For purposes of setting up the joke, however....

(That look of innocence you've taken on, young woman, fools no one. Fifty lines for impertinence. I've seen that tactic before: http://www.telelib.com/authors/K/KiplingRudyard/prose/DebtsandCredits/knowledge.html.)
mayfly_78 From: mayfly_78 Date: October 28th, 2011 12:46 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Classically, nothing.

Look of innocence? I'm not really sure what you mean, nor what poetry has to do with it.

I was merely talking geographically mainly and just a little historically. (Cause you know, Greece is not one big homogenous interchangeable place. How'd you like me to confuse Brighton and Birmingham just because they both begin with B?)
wemyss From: wemyss Date: October 28th, 2011 01:02 pm (UTC) (Link)


Let's see if the joke bears up under a weight of explanation.

Much as Draco shd like to think himself sophisticated, he is after all British. Insular. Part Henry Root, part Giles Wemmbley-Hogg. Of course Greece isn't 'one big homogeneous interchangeable place' - but to most Britons, a goodish bit of the Continent is 'one big homogeneous interchangeable place', really. Vaguely associating Argos the shop with Greece generally, he wandered in. Bob's your uncle. The joke is not against Greece, here, but against the casual haziness of even many educated Britons w/r/t other countries. I believe it was Frost & Jay who first openly noted that the idea that travel broadens the mind has never spoken with a British family newly returned from hols abroad.
mayfly_78 From: mayfly_78 Date: October 28th, 2011 01:25 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Ah.

I did find your ficklet rather funny - I must say. We all like have a laugh on poor Draco.

I always imagined the upper class british to be well versed in all things classical. Theoretically and stuffily at least.

I was being a bit pedantic, I know. But you can't help yourself with these things!

When you mentioned Mykonos I was assuming Draco's breakdown had to do with oiled men in sarongs, drunk tourists and loud dance music.

The Argos reference threw me in a loop. Being the sort of place a historical tourist would go to. One on a tour of all ancient sites rather than one planing to party wildly and laze on golden beaches.

Anyway, this is all besides the point really.
23 comments or Leave a comment