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An open letter to LJ / SUP / Mr Dronov & Company - Wemyss's Appalling Hobby:
From the Party Guilty of Committing 'Gate of Ivory, Gate of Horn'
An open letter to LJ / SUP / Mr Dronov & Company

I begin by noting that I am less than full of Christmas cheer just now (Tottenham failing to manage anything better than a draw against the sodding Rent Boys did not improve my mood; SPOTY disregarded both Cookie and Straussy; and I have been suffering the inadequacies of a company almost as obtusely incompetent and smugly hapless as yours – yes: FGW), and am struggling not to be overly waspish. (I also thought of making an Anti-88 icon, but why waste any more time on this site? Although I do like my American business partner’s crisp, ‘Eighty-six 88’, I must say.)

It is not my habit to attribute to malice what can so readily be explained by incompetence, but in this case I am willing to make an exception. But let that pass.

I for one am delighted to have seen the suggestions that Singaporean blog-shopping (if I’ve the right term) is pumping vast amounts of the ready into LJ’s coffers. This means that when an American class action suit is filed or litigation is brought under the Equalities Act 2010 and EU legislation and directives, and when breach of contract actions are brought by permanent account owners, and by paid account owners who’ve ‘mysteriously’ and ‘inexplicably’ had their payment options changed to ‘automatic’ for them (rum, that. Poltergeists, no doubt), there shall be money to pay the scot when LJ are cast in damages.

I do however wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about ‘ig[p]rick’, otherwise Ilya Droning-On Dronov (one presumes the ‘ig’ is for ‘ignoramus’, although the whole sodding thing may well be an acronym: say, ‘Impertinent, Ghastly, Rude, Ignorant, Chavvish Kidling-of-Frank-the-Demon-Goat’). I can think of any number of things I should like to see befall that appalling little shit; I will content myself with the pious hope that he ends by begging his bread in the streets. But I digress. Mr Ig[norant_p]rick has, in the course of mocking and insulting your patrons in various public fora, said one thing I find unforgiveable: that ‘the Americans’ – who can, in his view, be contemptuously disregarded – have been whinging about his arrogant and incompetent (or, well, there are other, more sinister explanations) behaviour. This must be addressed. I wish it to be very clearly understood that it is not an ‘American’ plot against the Rodina. Please understand: the Cousins mustn’t take all the credit. I also think the little shit wants to be sacked, and subjected to damnatio memoriæ, and all his works and bollocksings-up be erased and reversed. I insist, damn your eyes, that it be acknowledged that LJ’s paying contracting parties who are HM subjects, think as little of the crawling little bugger as the Yanks do, and hold him in at least as great contempt.

I really do look forward to the day when you crawl from the rubble of a company that might have prospered, and turn on one another as the bailiffs cart off your last few assets to pay the damages found against you. May it be soon. Oh – do bear in mind that I’ve a permanent account here (curious, I note in passing, that you give extra paid time to monthly subscribers to indemnify against service outages, yet have never done anything for equally-affected permanent account-owners). I shan’t be using LJ as I have done in the past, but I shall stay on to barrack you useless sods. As I said the other day, ‘to paraphrase the then-candidate Mr Reagan, in New Hampshire, I paid for this microphone’: and I damned well intend upon using it to rejoice over your collapse.

It is my wish for all of you at LJ and SUP, in this holiday season, and especially for Our IgPrick, that

your Christmases be miserable, and that

your new year be agonising and profitless,

until you each of you die paupers’ deaths

in a gutter

– in Swindon; that

your lack of rectitude appal Lord Mandelson,

your incoherence be remarked by Geo W Bush, John Prescott, and Gorbals Mick,

your disloyalty stun Vince Cable;

your want of principle give pause to Tony Blair,

your corruption stagger spot-fixing Pakistani cricketers,

your economic idiocy reassure Ed Balls that he’s not so bad as all that, really,

your popularity be less than Nick Clegg’s, and

your gormless inadequacy impress even Ed Miliband; that

your passing be marked only by Frankie Boyle,

who alone mourns you, as having been a source of material; that

you be interred carelessly in a cesspool

by Abu Hamza; and that

mockery be your only legacy in this world and the next

(to an extent that cheers and comforts even the damned, who feel they’ve had it easy in comparison); and

may you come to envy the fate of Gordon Brown and

wish in vain you’d been no more incompetent than that gurning idiot.

Also, sod off and go into compulsory liquidation, you fucking hoons.

Tags: , ,

32 comments or Leave a comment
lazy_neutrino From: lazy_neutrino Date: December 23rd, 2011 02:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
What is a 'hoon', please? (Enjoyed the rest.)
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 23rd, 2011 03:30 pm (UTC) (Link)


In Anzac, it's a bogan, a hooligan, a Clarkson. It has an extra element in British English, meaning, a former crusader for principle who has become a compromised, expenses-troughing buffoon: this, from the career of the Right Hon Geoff Hoon PC, former MP and Cabinet minister.
royul_thyme From: royul_thyme Date: December 23rd, 2011 02:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
/clapping Bravo. Bra-fucking-vo. I'm even learning so many new words today! This is excellently written, the grammar superb, and yet vivacious and venomous. I had a grand time reading it and am actually a little calmer.

I'm sure it'll wear off once I have to comment on a defaulted page again. Maybe the bastards read this and laugh their asses into debt.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 23rd, 2011 03:31 pm (UTC) (Link)

Thank you.

May it be as you say.
tekalynn From: tekalynn Date: December 23rd, 2011 03:14 pm (UTC) (Link)

Do I see a subject line?! Oh joy, oh rapture!

A magnificent rant, bracing as my morning tea. Thank you, sir.

(signed) A Cousin.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 23rd, 2011 03:31 pm (UTC) (Link)

O frabjous day.

And all that.

femmequixotic From: femmequixotic Date: December 23rd, 2011 03:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am beginning to think I'm the only one on my flist not royally up in arms about this situation. :(

Perhaps I'm just too worn out after being sick this year to really rouse myself to shake my sword. Perhaps I spent all my LJ outrage when having to wrangle with LJ staff during the Six Apart years over Strikethrough and Boldthrough. Perhaps it's just that it's Christmas and I miss my family dreadfully and thus have a ridiculously maudlin wish for the proverbial peace on earth and goodwill towards men which after a paper on human evil and suffering that I wrote earlier this month I don't think we human beings have a hope in hell of obtaining. (Reading about Auschwitz and Abu Ghraib hurt my soul and I don't think it's quite recovered.)

I do think everyone has a right to their frustration and should express it as often and as loudly as they wish (and I will support the choice to do so with a grand huzzah), but I have to say, reading all the (justified) anger on my flist this week has just made me wicked sad--and feel really really old and tired.

Ah well. Ignore the silly little emotional bird here. I've nothing helpful to contribute to the discussion, alas,but I do appreciate the safe space in which to be a little :( .
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 23rd, 2011 04:06 pm (UTC) (Link)

Or, quite conceivably...

... you're simply a nicer and more charitable person than I shall ever be.

All my love to you and N and the Felines.
being_here From: being_here Date: December 23rd, 2011 04:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
That is the most magnificent Christmas prayer I have ever read.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 23rd, 2011 04:07 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oh, well.

Not a patch on Cranmer, yet I thank you.
ccroquette From: ccroquette Date: December 23rd, 2011 05:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, dear God, this is amazing.

I think I love you.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 23rd, 2011 05:45 pm (UTC) (Link)

I'm greatly obliged.

Thank you, vy much indeed.
momcat09 From: momcat09 Date: December 23rd, 2011 07:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Most excellent rant!! Thanks for posting this; you've made my day ... and expanded my vocabulary as well -- all in all, a good day's work!
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 23rd, 2011 08:13 pm (UTC) (Link)

I'm greatly obliged.

When I am not a happy bunny,* I tend to say so...

* Nothing to do with Lib Dems, male models, jaunts to France, or assassinated canines.
From: sirona_gs Date: December 23rd, 2011 08:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Much better said than anything I could have come up with myself, yet echoes my sentiments exactly, for which I am greatly thankful. Please take note, Comrade Dronov: This is no longer the Soviet Republic. You are actually obliged to listen to your paying customers, and they actually do have the right to take you to task for breach of contract.

I would say I wish that LJ/SUP people read this and take note, but I greatly fear that not one of the members of staff supposedly so supportive of their customers will take any of this under advisement. I am frankly exhausted battling the windmills at this stage, and knowing I am deliberately ignored in favour of producing a clone of Twitter and Facebook, which I do not use for a reason.

Incidentally, have you seen the proposed new look for the entire site? I hesitate to link you for fear of instilling in you deep-seated nausea and disgust, but perhaps we all ought to know what is coming for us. Translated links. I did not think it possible to be more appalled -- but that was before I saw this.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 23rd, 2011 08:44 pm (UTC) (Link)

Als, I have seen it. Appalling, indeed.

All part of the cronyism, I fear.

I'm greatly obliged for yr kind words, m'dear - as aye.
From: silmaril Date: December 23rd, 2011 08:38 pm (UTC) (Link)

1. Wow.

2. Can I add you to my reading list please, assuming I'll stick around? I'm always looking for new interesting people to read, and anyone who can write like that...
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 23rd, 2011 08:42 pm (UTC) (Link)

Thank you.

And if you don't mind Marmite, feel free: one never need ask (like Pilate, what I have written, I have written, and it's free to all).

thisgirl_is From: thisgirl_is Date: December 23rd, 2011 09:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
That was glorious.

"– in Swindon;" Brutal.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 23rd, 2011 09:15 pm (UTC) (Link)

Thankee, lass.

I simply couldn't resist.
taradiane From: taradiane Date: December 24th, 2011 05:06 am (UTC) (Link)
in a gutter

– in Swindon;

LOL. Everyone picks on Swindon.

It made me think of a comment made by a Mancunian living in Toronto who owned a record shop that I frequented via mail (and in person, when I had the time)...he said that it was no surprise that XTC's Andy Partridge was such a vehement atheist - Partridge was from Swindon, after all, and therefore had little other choice.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 26th, 2011 06:59 pm (UTC) (Link)

And for cause.

I mean, it's ... Swindon.
From: optasia Date: December 24th, 2011 05:44 am (UTC) (Link)

Wemyss you are my hero!

That was incredibly lovely. I read with the Oxford English Dictionary (British version NOT the American version) in one hand. The ratio of swear words/words I didn't understand was perfect. Your ability to write prayers fills my heart with admiration and joy.
My thought about all of this is *what Wemyss said*.
Thank you so much.
I do love your Dobby Putin icon!

Edited at 2011-12-24 05:46 am (UTC)
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 26th, 2011 07:00 pm (UTC) (Link)

Thank you.

I trust yr holidays are joyous.
wren_chan From: wren_chan Date: December 24th, 2011 08:40 am (UTC) (Link)

Oh well said, love.

I'm for the moment preserved by how my style keeps things as I want them.... but that's only for the moment.

And you shall have my company for at least the year. And past it, really. I shall read as long as there's anything to be read. *salutes you with her wassail* Speak on, we'll hear you.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 26th, 2011 07:01 pm (UTC) (Link)

Thankee, lass.

And a happy holiday to you.
matilda36 From: matilda36 Date: December 24th, 2011 10:48 am (UTC) (Link)


Having studied your wonderful language for years I am terribly envious of how wonderful you make an already wonderful languagea nd for a reason worthy of rage.

I hope you managed to get yourself in a better Christmas mood and able to enjoy these few days of peace.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: December 26th, 2011 07:01 pm (UTC) (Link)

The Boxing Day meet went well.

I am pleased with the world ... save for these sods.

Thank you: you're too kind.
32 comments or Leave a comment