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Another fragment. How novel. - Wemyss's Appalling Hobby:
From the Party Guilty of Committing 'Gate of Ivory, Gate of Horn'
Another fragment. How novel.


‘Ah.  Hermione.  There you are, I’ve had my head in half the hearths in England, trying to fire-call you –’

‘Er.  Draco … what is that noise?’

Faintly, but not, if Hermione could hear it, faintly enough, Draco could hear Harry moaning in ecstasy and making rather moist and succulent noises with his mouth.

‘DRACO!  Is Harry … I mean ….’

Draco rolled his eyes.  ‘The rather orgasmic sounds emanating from the other room are all Nev’s fault.  He and that prize ass, Tilden Toots, sent over a hamper from the Herbologists’s Question Time gardens at the college at Up Somborne.  Nev’s new strain of super-early tomatoes.  Harry’s under an organic spell, not an orgasmic one.’  He paused, and looked over his shoulder.  ‘POTTER, YOU PIG, SAVE A FEW FOR ME, DAMN YOU!’

Hermione gulped.  She suddenly remembered, quite vividly, popping by unannounced what time Nev had sent over, on approval, his new Chocolate Oranges – which were precisely that, Citrus theobromata hybridus Longbottom ­– along with his equally new Vanilla Murcott Honey Tangerines and his experimental Treacle Custard-Apples.  She had arrived just as Draco and Harry had passed the stage of teasingly sharing food with one another and gone on to a series of rather complicated lip-locks around a slice of the fruit, progressing rapidly, before she could quite tear herself away and back out of the kitchen unnoticed, to full-on shagging and the innovative use of Chocolate-Orange juice as edible body-paint.

‘You’re blushing a very fetching shade of pink, my dear English rose,’ Draco drawled, knowingly.  ‘Just wait until you see him with a whitecurrant quill….’

‘I’ll take your word for it,’ said Hermione, not quite as repressively as she’d have wished to have done.  ‘I believe you were trying to find me, were you not?’

‘Ah.  Yes.  What are you and Cousin Weasel doing Friday next?’

‘Leaving the children with Molly and Arthur, apparently, and trotting along to whatever you have planned for us.’

‘Cheeky wench.  It’s the unveiling, as it were, of the new organ.  Don’t you snigger like that, Granger, Harry and I do have interests other than sex!’

‘Again, I’ll take your word for it.’


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11 comments or Leave a comment
aillil From: aillil Date: June 4th, 2006 06:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heh, Hermione is so lost against H/Ds combined powers and prowess, it appears. Most delightful.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: June 4th, 2006 06:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

Yes, well.

But won't Ron be in for a pleasant surprise when he gets home. Hermione gets inspired by Our Lads, you know.

Thanks. Glad it pleased.
aillil From: aillil Date: June 4th, 2006 07:01 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Yes, well.

However, I won't want to be reading about Ron's and Hermione's exploits in the sex department, because ewww, het. :)
wemyss From: wemyss Date: June 4th, 2006 08:19 pm (UTC) (Link)


Nor will I be writing it, for just that reason.
tiferet From: tiferet Date: June 4th, 2006 08:43 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Indeed.

Thank you. I don't mind het, I even write it, but ew, Ron.


H/D is so hot.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: June 4th, 2006 09:06 pm (UTC) (Link)


I'd not kick any of the male Weasleys out of bed.

Not even Percy, though I'd not keep him for breakfast the next morning.
tiferet From: tiferet Date: June 4th, 2006 10:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

@_o...does that include Arthur?

Percy is the only one I'd even have. And him, I'd keep.

I don't like the Weasleys.
wemyss From: wemyss Date: June 9th, 2006 07:15 pm (UTC) (Link)

Even Arthur?

Well, clearly Arthur knows what he's doing in bed, at least.
tiferet From: tiferet Date: June 9th, 2006 09:15 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Even Arthur?


And I must point out (from personal experience no less) that the ability to get someone preggers has nothing to do with sexual skill, and we have no idea why they stay married. It may be that they're best friends, he's really fertile, and she has one of those special vibrating wands. I don't know. The idea of having sex with Arthur is so utterly revolting to me (just as the idea of having sex with a DEA agent who "harmlessly" tokes up on homegrown pot at home would be) that even if he is good in bed, I couldn't bear the thought.
From: tree_and_leaf Date: June 5th, 2006 01:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
I like the idea of Herbologists' Question Time- does Our Nev do his professional Lancastrian bit for them, too?
wemyss From: wemyss Date: June 9th, 2006 07:14 pm (UTC) (Link)

Of course.

Fawce and cunning is Oor Nev.
11 comments or Leave a comment